Is self-love actually self-discipline?

Does the term “self-love” make you cringe? Does it feel a bit too self-indulgent? For some guys, the idea of self-love is emasculating. The truth is, self love is a fundamental part of being a healthy man.

This week, we’re challenging you to shift your perception on self-love — and maybe even see it as something akin to self-discipline. We’ll also share some easy ways you can integrate more self-love into your life.

Remember: We’re all parents to our own inner child

You may recoil at seeing the words “inner child,” but this is actually pretty important. If your parents failed to give you the support and affection you needed as a child, it’s up to you to make things right starting now. Maybe you have kids or maybe you don’t, but we’re all parents to our own inner child and it’s never too late to give yourself the love and care you may not have received when you were younger.

If you are a parent, it can be helpful to think about how you speak to your child. Do you comfort them when they’re scared? Praise them when they’ve done a good job? Challenge them to keep their word?

Importantly, do you treat yourself the same way?

In most cases, there are lots of things we say to ourselves that we wouldn’t dare say to a loved one, let alone a child. Self-love is realizing that while you couldn’t choose your childhood, you can choose what happens next and give yourself a lot of love and support along the way.

We’re all deserving of respect and dignity

In 1948, the United Nations drafted the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, which stated everyone in the world is entitled to human rights, no matter where they live or who they are. We are all deserving of respect and dignity simply because we are human.

Later, the psychologist Carl Rogers developed the concept unconditional positive regard, which refers to the belief that every human is worthy of compassion and acceptance and nothing they say or do can make them less worthy. Acceptance doesn’t mean justifying someone’s poor behavior (including your own); it means that self-worth isn’t up for debate.

When you acknowledge this basis of self-worth, you’re taking a crucial step towards self-love.

Self-love starts with self-discipline

If you’re having trouble easing into the idea of self-love, start with self-discipline.

The word “discipline” sometimes gets a bad rap because it’s too often associated with punishment or chastising. But discipline doesn’t have to be punitive. Discipline is recognizing and dismantling the barriers that keep you from being the man you want to be. Discipline is coming up with a plan to move forward no matter what kind of childhood you had, what your past looked like, or how many times you’ve failed.

As the award-winning entrepreneur, writer, and filmmaker Shaahin Cheyene writes in his powerful book Darkness: The Power Of Illumination, discipline is “exercising control over your life, spirit, and energy.” It’s “tell[ing] the universe that you believe in yourself and are willing to do whatever it takes to manifest your intentions.”

Stop punishing yourself

Self-love doesn’t just mean lavishing yourself with praise and affection. Many guys don’t even know where to start with self-praise and affection. But one step in the right direction is to stop punishing yourself with shame and guilt when things don’t go as planned. Beating yourself up when you mess up or fall short only results in negative spirals of behavior that keep you stuck.

It’s important to understand that failure presents an opportunity for growth. Take time to figure out where things went wrong and what barriers got in the way, Then come up with a better plan for next time. Take responsibility for your missteps and remember that nothing compromises your self-worth.

Self-praise is the cherry on top

When you acknowledge that you are inherently worthy of respect and dignity, self-praise is an added bonus. Just as you might reward a child for getting a good grade or completing their chores, reward yourself for meeting goals, however small, like making it to the gym or eating well. Every step you take in the direction of the man you want to be is an act of self-love.

Connect with community

Share your wins and your losses with your community to receive praise or words of encouragement. And then reciprocate. Don’t know where to go? Connect with the Maximus digital tribe on Discord. It’s free and will take your social accountability to the next level.

Dr. Cam’s Health Hack

Self-love takes courage: the courage to be vulnerable and enact change if something’s not working. Take Dr. Cam’s advice:

“There is but one way to live, and that is with courage. The courage to:

• Say what’s on your mind
• Be your authentic self
• Be vulnerable to pain
• Risk your reputation
• Follow your heart
• Listen to your gut
• Keep your word
• Brave rejection
• Love
  

Full Catastrophe Living.”

Some important reminders on self-love

• Every human, including yourself, deserves respect and dignity regardless of their past or present circumstances.
• As adults, it's our responsibility to provide the love and care we may have lacked in childhood.
• Self-love begins with self-discipline, which involves identifying and overcoming barriers that are getting in the way of personal growth.
• Instead of punishing yourself with shame or guilt when things go wrong, adopt a curious mindset.
• Take some time to acknowledge your successes, no matter how small.