Why You Aren't Sleeping Well, Explained by a Scientist

By Starling Krentz, MS and Gabriel Alizaidy, MD, MS

You've tried everything. Blue light blockers. Melatonin. That expensive supplement your biohacker friend swears by. Maybe even prescription sleep meds that leave you groggy the next morning.

Yet here you are at 2 AM, scrolling through your phone, wondering why nothing works.

The problem isn't that you're sleeping wrong. Most sleep advice targets the wrong mechanisms. The gap between what people think works and what the science shows is massive.

Let's fix that.

What Is Good Sleep, Actually?

Good sleep isn't just about hours in bed. It's about cycling through the right stages at the right times.

Sleep happens in cycles lasting roughly 90 minutes, repeating 4-6 times per night. Each cycle includes light sleep (stages N1 and N2), deep sleep (stage N3), and REM sleep.

Deep sleep (N3) is when your body does physical repair. Growth hormone releases, tissues rebuild, and your immune system strengthens. This is the restorative sleep that determines how you feel physically the next day.

REM sleep is when your brain consolidates memories, processes emotions, and clears metabolic waste. This is what keeps you sharp mentally and emotionally stable.

You need both. Quality sleep means spending enough time in deep sleep early in the night and enough time in REM sleep in the later cycles. Anything that disrupts this architecture (alcohol, most sleep medications, chronic stress) leaves you feeling unrested even after 8 hours in bed.

Sleep Hygiene Should Be Your First Line of Defense

Before you reach for pills or supplements, get the basics right. These habits create the foundation for quality sleep.

Morning sunlight exposure

Get 10-15 minutes of bright light within an hour of waking. This anchors your circadian rhythm and helps you produce melatonin at the right time later. If you live somewhere with limited sunlight, a 10,000 lux light box for 20-30 minutes works.

Strategic caffeine timing

Cut off caffeine 8-10 hours before bed, not just "after lunch." Caffeine has a half-life of 5-6 hours. If you drink coffee at 2 PM, a quarter of that caffeine is still blocking adenosine receptors at 2 AM.

Temperature manipulation

Your core body temperature needs to drop by 2-3 degrees to initiate sleep. Take a hot shower 60-90 minutes before bed. When you get out, your body rapidly dissipates the heat through vasodilation, which actually lowers your core temperature below baseline. This rebound cooling effect makes sleep onset easier. Keep your bedroom between 65-68°F.

Wind down time

Your nervous system needs time to shift from sympathetic to parasympathetic. Spend 30-60 minutes before bed doing something genuinely relaxing. Reading, light stretching, or conversation with a partner. Not work emails or doomscrolling.

Consistent wake time

This matters more than consistent bedtime. Wake up at the same time every day, even weekends. This regulates your circadian rhythm more effectively than trying to force yourself to sleep at a specific time.

Common Sleep Supplements (And What They Actually Do)

When sleep hygiene isn't enough, many people turn to supplements. Here's what the popular ones can offer.

Melatonin

Melatonin is excellent for regulating your circadian rhythm and signaling to your body that it's nighttime. It works well for jet lag, shift work, or resetting your sleep schedule. While it's not a sedative, it can help you fall asleep 7-12 minutes faster on average.¹ Best used at low doses (0.3-1mg) about an hour before your target bedtime.

Magnesium

Magnesium plays a role in GABA signaling and muscle relaxation. GABA is the neurotransmitter that quiets the brain; it reduces neural activity so your system can shift into a state where sleep becomes possible. Many people find magnesium glycinate or threonate calming before bed. It may be particularly helpful if you have muscle tension or difficulty relaxing physically. If you're deficient, supplementation can make a noticeable difference in sleep quality.

Valerian root

Valerian has been used for centuries as a natural sedative. While research shows mixed results,² some people respond well to it. It may work by increasing GABA activity in the brain. The downside is the strong smell, but if it helps you sleep, it's worth considering.

Chamomile

Chamomile tea is a gentle, relaxing part of many bedtime routines. It contains apigenin, an antioxidant that binds to receptors in the brain that may promote sleepiness and reduce anxiety. While effects are mild, the ritual itself can signal your body that it's time to wind down.

Ashwagandha

Ashwagandha is an adaptogen that helps your body manage stress. Some studies show it can improve sleep quality and reduce the time it takes to fall asleep, particularly for people dealing with stress and anxiety. It may work best when taken consistently over time rather than as a quick fix.

Glycine

Glycine is an amino acid that may improve sleep quality by lowering core body temperature and promoting calming neurotransmitter activity. Some studies suggest it can help people fall asleep faster and feel more rested the next day. Typical doses are 3g before bed..

What Actually Controls Sleep (And Why Most Interventions Miss the Point)

Sleep isn't controlled by a single switch. It's a careful balance between being awake and alert versus calm and ready for rest. Your body manages this through multiple interconnected systems.

The key players include:

Adenosine accumulation builds sleep pressure throughout the day. This is what makes you actually feel tired. Caffeine works by blocking adenosine receptors.

GABAergic signaling reduces neural excitability and creates the quiet brain state needed for sleep onset. This is what benzodiazepines target, but they do it crudely.

Cortisol regulation controls your stress response. High evening cortisol keeps you wired and is one of the strongest predictors of insomnia.

Parasympathetic activation shifts your nervous system from "fight or flight" to "rest and digest." This is the state where sleep becomes possible.

Oxytocin plays a role in reducing stress and promoting parasympathetic activation. Studies show it reduces amygdala reactivity (the brain region responsible for anxiety) and boosts activity in calming brain circuits.³ Animal studies also show that central oxytocin administration promotes both REM and non-REM sleep.⁴ This is why we developed a topical oxytocin cream that supports natural stress reduction and parasympathetic activation, addressing root causes of poor sleep rather than just forcing sedation.

The body is complex. These systems interact in ways we're still figuring out. But the key insight is this: quality sleep requires reducing arousal and stress, not just forcing sedation.

The Bottom Line

If you're serious about improving sleep, here's what actually works:

The non-negotiables:

• Get morning sunlight within an hour of waking
• Cut caffeine 8-10 hours before bed
• Take a hot shower 60-90 minutes before bed (the cooling rebound after helps)
• Keep your bedroom between 65-68°F
• Spend 30-60 minutes winding down before bed doing something actually relaxing
• Wake up at the same time every day

What to stop doing:

• Stop wasting money on high-dose melatonin
• Stop buying supplements you don't need
• Stop falling for proprietary herbal blends with no clinical evidence

Better sleep isn't about trying harder. It's about understanding your biology and giving it what it actually needs.

Interested our latest breakthrough in sleep support? Learn more about Oxytocin Calming Cream here.

References

1. Ferracioli-Oda E, et al. Meta-analysis: melatonin for the treatment of primary sleep disorders. PLoS One. 2013;8(5):e63773.
2. Fernández-San-Martín MI, et al. Effectiveness of Valerian on insomnia: a meta-analysis of randomized placebo-controlled trials. Sleep Med. 2010;11(6):505-511.
3. Huedo-Medina TB, et al. Effectiveness of non-benzodiazepine hypnotics in treatment of adult insomnia: meta-analysis of data submitted to the Food and Drug Administration. BMJ. 2012;345:e8343.
4. Kirsch P, et al. Oxytocin modulates neural circuitry for social cognition and fear in humans. J Neurosci. 2005;25(49):11489-11493.
5. Lancel M, et al. Intracerebral oxytocin modulates sleep-wake behaviour in male rats. Regul Pept. 2003;114(2-3):145-152.

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